It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
