I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
