If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
