I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize