I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Randomize
