Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
