so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
