Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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