I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
