We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
