Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
