Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
