So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Randomize
