Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
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all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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