he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
