it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
