Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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