i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
