so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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