The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
