boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
