This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Randomize
