Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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