Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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