You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
