if only i could text you this smell
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
