My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
