when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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