When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
