is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
