Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just had sex on a roof
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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