Kiss
Puke
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
