the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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