Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
