I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
