she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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