May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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