It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
