I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My penis needs a shock collar
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
