And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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