i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
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Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
a search helicopter?!
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
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You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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