I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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