Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
