i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
