I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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