i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
