Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
