her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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