Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
