It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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