i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
