oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
