Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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