does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
