Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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