It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
