We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
