So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
BRING THE BAGELS
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
