would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
