I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
