Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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