flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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