You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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