I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
