I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
