we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
