Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
