thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
