are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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