we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
