Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It's shark week go big or go home
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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