Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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