remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
