I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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